Earth Treks and on my way Home...

2011-03-21T10:40:00.000-07:00

Oh LORD our Lord! How majestic is your name in all the earth!

Yes LORD! Walking in your law we wait for you. Your name and Your

RENOWN are the desire of our hearts!

CHANGE

2011-01-11T14:31:00.001-08:00

When's the last time you realized, "Hey I have really changed!" I am more satisfied in life, way less stressed, I actually enjoy myself, I'm eating healthy consistently, I'm happy.

are you the same as you were two years ago? The same hurts, sadnesses, frustrations, insecurities, and bad habits...you're really no different.

Friends, we need to be changing. In fact, change should be something that people see happen often in our lives! If Romans 12 is right we are to be transformed - which means being constantly in the PROCESS of transformation. We need to change and ask God to bring His change into our lives. Otherwise, I think you'll feel board in life. You'll wonder, "Why am I here, what am I supposed to be doing?" Or you won't think about anything much at all. BiG ReD FlaG: If you're not thinking and just going through life - coasting - your life isn't doing what it was meant to. God never intended your life to be bla, MUNDANE, routine!

Are you ever frustrated about anything in your life?!

If you're anything like me the answer is yes.

Well, why not start asking God to bring His change in your life?

The first time I thought about asking God to change me I was 19 and totally freaked out by the thought! I said, "What will God do? Will He take away something I love? Will I loose all my money? Will I get a terrible illness? ..."

Why is it hard for us to know that God really wants to give us good things and does not want to harm us? It's because we really don't know who God is. We think that what we know of God at this moment defines all that He is. Man, that is so not true.

So, I thought: "Well, if God loves me more than I love myself doesn't He know exactly what needs to change for the best!?" SO, I told God I was so scared but I just had to ask Him to change me. "God, change me." I prayed.

Now, some hard things did happen, and some great things happen too (but isn't that life anyway?). All in all this prayer has become may favorite because of how much better my thinking is and my life is today from actually experiencing being changed. Hey! I'm different than I was even last year. Oh when I think of the things that used to seem like mountains in my life - immovable! Some bad habits, HUGE sins in my life that I couldn't stop doing, and not knowing how to love certain people in my life. There were things that I was so so so so frustrated about in myself.....and now, they are totally gone. Some things actually changed altogether and other things Yhwh gave me a peace about: "Hey this is how I've made you and you need to embrace it because I've got a reason for it."

I love change.

Pursue change in your life and you will run into an all consuming loving God in the process. His name is Yhwh. He will change you into the beautiful person you wish you were and build your faith tremendously at the same time!

What Should I Do??

2011-01-09T16:46:00.000-08:00

This question looms in the minds of many as they search for their purpose and meaning of existence on earth.

Yhwh really does have things for us to do Eph. 2:10, 2 Tim. 2:21 and plenty of other passages.

John 15 paints a beautiful picture that doing revolves around being. Not just a lazing existing but a thriving and growing being Jesus calls abiding.

We must make it our goal to find out who our Father is and who we are (who we are in our personalities and who we are because of Christ), out of this flows what we do. It really comes down to who we are as to what things we end up doing.

SO, just WHO are you?? What's your personality, strengths and weaknesses in all? How do you present yourself to others in light of who you are? What about you needs to grow? What about you needs to change and or get lost?

For instance, being able to talk to strangers and meet knew people will happen when you are confident in who you are. Are you insecure? Starting a new degree or a business means that you're not afraid of failure anymore. Are you paralyzed by fear? Confronting some tough conversations or conflicts with people might mean that you have to humble yourself. Do you run from conflict?

What are your strengths? And how can you grow them?

When we truly abide and take time to focus on our hearts asking the LORD to change us we might begin to see that you are lazy, a bad listener, to unorganized....you might see that you need to change. You might not know how to change but as you continue abiding you ask YHWH to change you. Only God can change us. (You might think you can change yourself, but try it and see how long it lasts. God wants to do the changing because He wants the credit and He's the only one powerful enough.) Then you see yourself begin to change in all these areas. Maybe you even get some good counseling....You see that your relationships go deeper because you're listening better. Not focusing on yourself in the conversation but the other person. You're not so concerned about being accepted by other because you feel accepted by God, you're less stressed because you're trusting Yhwh, you can relax.

The things we do are completely connected with the person of our heart. If you want to do the things God has for you start learning how to abide and ask God to change you! Because the things you do in this life directly flow from the person that you are on the inside! If you wanna find out your purpose and what you're supposed to do on this earth, abide. Let Yhwh show you who He is, who you are, what needs to change and grow about you, and let Him do the changing.

A note further:

2 Peter 2:1-11

Peter takes his magnifying glass and focuses in on the inner life of a person in verses 5-9. I would take a serious inventory to see how your life reflects this passage.

Do you feel unproductive? Ineffective? Have you lost sight? Are you abiding?

There is just no other ONE

2010-06-21T07:29:00.000-07:00

http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/r/rachael_lampa/no_other_one.html

ah man i wish that my heart would never wander and be prone to idols.

Psalm 24...."does not lift up his soul to an idol or swear by another"

oh God keep me from idols. there is just no other one.

The first time I heard this song I was sitting in convocation at Liberty University. My heart felt like it fell to the floor and tears came down my face as i thought, "LORD there is no one but you."

i still remember that morning and to this day it is still my prayer that the LORD would keep my heart from idols.

I John 5:21 ..."keep yourself from idols." - just read the verses before ! idols keep us practicing (living in) sin. and what is the first commandment. the prophet Jeremiah gave us the warning too and called idols broken cisterns.

oh God, keep me from idols; i just wanna see you and know you with nothing in the way.

what makes you most happy?

well, whatever it is, that is your idol.

what's the first thing that comes to your mind: what do you fear most loosing?

it's your idol.

what, if you didn't have it anymore, would make you feel like a fish out of water?

it's your idol.

do you know what tends to become an idol in your life?

if not they are in full force.

it's only when you know and realize what they are and come to hate them that you can dismantle them, then ask the Holy Spirit to come, and find Christ fill a more intimate place in your life

I AM MADE TO WORSHIP! WAAAHOOOO!

2010-06-02T15:04:00.001-07:00

Last month I had an astounding discover in my time with the LORD. my friends were going out of town and I was sceduled to watch their kids - with lots of alone time in the morning till 2:30pm. when i got out there i thought, "what am i gonna do for 2 days w/o my guitar?" well the next day the kids went off to school and i suddenly notice A PIANOOOO! hahahah. not to mention it was IN tune! and the acustics in the house were ammmaaazing - i had like reverb and everything going on. well i sat down and just began to toodle around and singing random things to the LORD- that's what i do most the time w/my music. it's become a ministry to the LORD. well, i started to get these words and sang them for a while: I am made to worship you; LORD I am made to worship you.
as time pasted more words came to me and i began to have tears rolling down my face. i felt the LORD's presence so densely and heavily that i was overwhelmed.
In that moment i felt the LORD speak to me and say, "this is why i've made you this way- your personality and gifting in music!....this is your job in my kingdom...to play to me and worship...your worship of me will flow out to others and lead them to worship me too..."
the LORD gave me a song to ministr to ME! wow i was so shocked. normally songs are not that
way- i felt like God wrote me a song to reveal HIS heart to me about me! WOWOWOOW
ha and when i thought i was going to hang out w/some kids God had really planned to write me a song and minister to me as i worshiped Him.

worship is our whole life. everything we say and do devoted to God. as paul said and "whatever you do, do it heartily as to the LORD!" that is worship explained from romans 12:2....talk about offering your body as a living sacrifice.
God enlarged that verse for me and showed me how my worship of Him is played out, in a special way, through music and my prayer life... this makes everything that i do more fruitful.

David was right...there are pleasure forever more at His right hand.
I don't care if live another day or do another thing in this life- hey i'm satisfied. nothing could even come close to the times i've had with the LORD and i pray that if i am not going to make much of HIM then could He please take me home now...

what a wonderful Savior. He is the great King over all the earth! lets bow down cause we are made to worship...awe-struck...

My heart is open to you...

2010-05-22T08:34:00.000-07:00

I was looking at this broken fruit bowl thinking of how when i first made it i had invisioned putting fruit in it. well, it broke during the drying process (you can see the huge crack from where the clay separated). i was going to break it apart, throw some water on it, and start over. everyone was said nooo keep it! so i thought about it and said ok. it has turned out to be my favvvorite piece! imagine that! the very piece i was going to chuck.

The LORD showed me throught this broken fruit bowl that His heart is open to me and His arms are reaching down to me...we wants to give me so much.
If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!
Matthew 7:10-12
...how much more will he alse graciously give us all things...Romans 8
just like this bowl is opened because of the crack i invisioned its contents rolling out. i felt like God was saying, 'because of my Son i'm just ready to give you so much...all i have is going to roll out on you, receive it.'
i love looking at this piece of pottery because of the constant reminder it is that the LORD is open to me always.

when i was out at the international house of prayer this guy came up to me and said 'i feel like the LORD's hands are reaching out to you and He's saying just ask me...'
one day i looked at this fruit bowl and immediately remembered what he had said to me. it was like confirmation.
and if my heart is God's, as i delight in Him it becomes so, then whatever i ask will be granted to me because it is His will already.

Beverly Harris: One of My Heros

2009-08-28T07:22:00.000-07:00

1 a.m. july 19, 2008
sound asleep the phone rings. i grab the phone and answer. uncle joel says, "mom just passed...she's gone."
immediately i felt relieved; "no more suffering for nonnie."
as my grandfather, pop, and I drove to the hospital there was silence. when we finally made it into the hospital we walked into the room where we had left nonnie only a few hours ago. she was lying there, hair combed backwards (not sure why hospice did that), hands folded, eyes closed, mouth open as she died trying to take another breath...

October 2007
i sat in lynchburg VA praying. "God i just feel like no one is taking care of nonnie and she needs help; things with pop are too much for her to handle alone. please put me where you want me to be." (my grandfather's dementia was getting to much for her to handle alone)
In november I talked to nonnie about coming home and felt that i soon would.
In december nonnie was diagnosed with cancer and i felt more and more like i needed to go home. my hope was to find a part time job and help out nonnie. in lynchburg i was never able to find a job in pensacola. so in february i just quit my job and moved home.

nonnie had surgery to remove the cancer tumors in early february 08. she was to have recovered by the time i got home. but when i came home she wasn't able to do much.
the day after i got home i was asked to move over there and would end up living there the next 5 mo. to take care of nonnie and pop.

most people would say what a respectable thing i was doing. many people praised me...but the truth is that this was the climax of my selfishness. at this time in my life i was extremely confused about what God wanted me to do in life. i was looking into all kinds of internships because i wanted to go and serve God somewhere w/like minded people. and do something to build the kingdom. i had been in college and grad school and was tired of books...i was ready to do some hands on ministry. so almost the whole time while i was at nonnies, apparently serving them, 50% of my brain and energy was thinking about myself and what I should be and could be doing for God.
The funniest part is that while i was in lynchburg it was heavy on my heart to come home and help nonnie ...what hapened? i think what happens to a lot of people...because i wasn't sure of my mission and what God had said to me and done to make this possible i began to think about myself instead of the mission at hand. I was right where I had prayed and asked God to be, but even more. I lived at nonnies, worked there, they paid me, i got to be with her...isn't that was I was praying for in lynchburg? the flesh and the enemy are always working to make us ineffective for today.
i wish that i could've seen that God was giving me the hands on service that i was looking for - even though it wasn't so called 'working for a ministry.' this fact is very regretful to me. i wish that i could have served nonnie 100% but many days i was totally overcome with thoughts of: i wish i could go read my Bible and sit down, what am i going to do w/ my spiritual gifts, where should i go, what about this or that, how will i pay for that....

for the past two years i had been highly frustrated with myself because i was lacking in practically serving others. i loved to just sit down and talk to people but i would not do things for people that i saw needed to be done: wash the dishes, help with random things, clean...i just hated doing things and it made me so frustrated that i was like that. i wanted to change and prayed and prayed.

when i got to nonnies all i did was do do do and i was really struggling because i wanted to do what i wanted and was used to doing...sitting, reading my bible, reading, talking. this is not practical living. and i realized that i was extremely selfish to want to read the Bible when i should embrace serving and helping my grandmother. "whatever you have done to the least of these you have done unto me." I missed a perfect opportunity to serve Jesus.
sometime in the summer i talked to my friend katie and we talked about my frustration in serving and how i couldn't change myself. for some reason, after that conversation my attitude changed for the better. still, the whole time at nonnie's i was not able to serve 100%.
(it wouldn't be until the next year that God would finally change my heart and show me how to serve 100% today, and not think about myself anymore - or hardly)

God did so much more than i could've ever asked...answered more prayers than i ever prayed and blessed me tremendously during this time, as selfish as i was. and he taught me some real things about physical suffering from watching nonnie.

i never thought i would care for nonnie to her death. ever since i could remember nonnie was apart of my life. we did all sorts of things together...reading books, riding bikes, traveling, driving, playing intruments together, talking about God, and just being friends. i truly loved her.
even though i had told myself many times, prepared myself for the ineventful, that one day she would be gone, i neverrrrrrr thought loosing her would be as bad as it was and is...

one day i was on a run in Navy Point, about 2mi from nonnies, (i would go for runs in the evenings sometimes and watch the sunset as i ran along the trail next to the water...nonnie and pop lived on the bayou) and i asked God, "why does nonnie have to keep suffering so much? all i see is her being in so much discomfort all the time and so weak...why?" She's loosing so much weight. She's so weak. She doesn't even look the same. I have to help her up. She's dying before my eyes.
i heard, "my Son suffered more than anyone. if nonnie's suffering affects you so, how much more should the suffering and death of my Son impact you daily?"
I thought wow...Jesus' death and suffering hasn't really impacted me that much, how sad! why is my heart so dull to such a life changing reality? God change me! I have thought and thought about this and keep asking God to change me. In reading John's Gospel Jesus said that the work of God is to "believe in the one whom he has sent." If i really believed in Jesus what would my life look like? God change me!

everyday with nonnie i felt like i was in shock, especially the last 3mo. at many points i wanted to sit down and cry, but there was no time and by the end of the day i was exhausted. i didn't cry the whole time i was over there. and i could feel the build up.

two weeks after nonnie died i began to ask God, "why did nonnie die?" I would see people in their 80's and think of how cool it would've been for nonnie to live into her 80's...why didn't she? I felt anger and much grief...all i could see and think about was her suffering and how grose it was watching her shribble up.
as soon as i asked God it shot back in my head, "the wages of sin is death." i sad woah! i could see how lots of sins had caused nonnies death and sin in general. there were several things over the past year that really had caused a ton of stress in nonnie's (trying to take care of pop by herself, pretending like she could go on with her normal life and everything was normal, not accepting or asking for help. i truly believe if she wouldn't have done those things she'd still be alive. The stress of her situation lead to her death.)

One day i was at my friend miriam's house, which was a place of peace during the 6mo i was in FL, and i felt enormous weight in my heart. the weight of loss, the weight of nonnie's suffering.
i had been praying that God would enable me to cry, to grieve. i felt like all the shock of the past 5mo had hit my heart in a way that it could not recover. i sat down and said; "God will you bring my pain out?!" A few moments later I began to cry and then i heard miriam ask if i was ready to go .... so we went to mrs. bickers house for dinner. afterwards i was playing her 12 string guitar and all the memories of nonnie flooded to my heart. i thought of how God used to her to bring guitar into my life...about how she helped my buy all my instruments and paid for lessons and how we played and sang together to bless others.
i just began to crack and the tears filled my eyes - wow God answers prayers fast.
then again i hear miriam say....what are you doing in there... i answer; "just sitting here."
i go to the bathroom and begin to just loose it. for 5min. i stay in there and try to regain composure. unable to i went out to where everyone was sitting: me, mrs. bicker, miriam, and jerry-lee. i'm sitting there with anguish on my face. miriam asks me how i'm doing and i say, "i miss my grandma." i bend over and just start to cry. miriam sits up and leans forward. i start crying more and say, "i've got to go." thankfully miriam drove us back to her house. i cried the whole way and wept bitterly. thankfully they didn't care that i had cut the evening short. i just couldn't stop crying. when we got to miriams jerry-lee went in and eventually me and miriam prayed. She cried too...i've never had a friend cry with me before. We prayed and I felt much better and so tierd from all the crying.

for months nonnie's memory would be a terrible pain and memory still in my heart and mind. i just couldn't move past all the suffering i saw her go through day after day. i did not know how to move on. i would have dreams about her suffering and i would cry often about it. sometimes i would get so sad that i couldn't do anything. i told God i must have healing from this because it would hit me sometimes and make me useless.
during the summer of 2009 three events happened that brought healing to my heart

i was talking to my friend susanne about how i could not move past the suffering of nonnie. ( i thought how amazing it was that God said what He did to me about Jesus suffering, oh how that should affect me much more...and i think it is more.) I needed healing because it just hurt so much inside.
That night there was a service for the summer program we were involved in. it was outside in the dark by a candle. amazing! i sat down and just started cry and just poured out the saddness. i said God please heal me.
The next morning I was sitting outside as the sun rose high in the sky. i closed my eyes and saw bright light from the sun. immediately malichi poped into my head and i thought; "the sun of righteousness will rise on you with healing in his wings and you will go forth ..." "those who are absent from the body are present with the Lord." I felt that nonnie was with the Lord and that He, the Son of Righteousness, had risen on my that morning with healing for me. I felt the pain was gone....nonnies suffering was over for me too!

a forth thing that happened was when i was outside of a meeting hall at River Valley Ranch later in the summer. the speaker was giving the Gospel. He then began to quote from Romans..."the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." Immediately i sat down and started crying. what God had said to me many months before about nonnie's death was in my mind. He had said, "the wages of sin is death." I never thought about the second part of that verse, which is the best part. "But the gift of God is eternal life!" God had sent His Son and took nonnie's sin and gave her His gift of life, eternal life...she is with Him forever. God tore the curtian in the temple in two (it was 4in. thick and 3 stories high) there is now no barrier between us and God. Jesus is our high priest forever. It really hit my heart in a new way all that God had done for me through Jesus, all because nonnie died.

looking back i know if i weren't ever thinking about myself i could've invested and given more to nonnie and pop. i wish i had lived 100% in the days there with them because God could've used me even more to pour out His love to them. why was i so worried about my future - it rendered me not as effective in the present. i will never have a chance to serve them again but i pray that any time i serve others now it will be with all i have.
I will always miss nonnie. i have dreams of her now sometimes that she is all dressed up or playing in a concert. i loved getting to be her chauffeur. We often talked about me driving her around one day when i grew up - and it happened. (one time i drove her across town. she had to lie down on the back seat. everytime i would hit the smallest bump, and i was missing everything i could, she would make a painful 'oh' sound. and i just couldn't believe how weak she was)
you never know what may happen in this life and it's often wierd. but the Lord somehow always breaks through.
I feel so privelaged to have had the grandmother i did. she really loved the Lord and really loved others because she had received much from Jesus. Out of all that she did and was i so appreciated how she was so able to tell you just what she thought, even if you didn't want to hear it. she was black and white and would speak truth. even still you always knew she loved you, and accepted you unconditionally and she wouldn't let up being involved in your life. her concern and care was always evident....how did she do that? i always think about it. truly a character trait of Jesus i need.

probably one of the coolest things that nonnie and i ever did together was go to the oasis of hope in mexico...
in the summer of 2008 i was visiting my friend heather in NY. we went to a random church on sunday morning. this lady got up and started quoting from phil 2. "everyone should look not only to his own interests but also to the interests of others." immediately i felt the Lord say, "your going to play guitar for cancer patients." i wrote it down in my Bible because nothing that clear has ever happened to me. i went back to lynchburg and started trying to volunteer at hospitals, but it just never worked out. "hum..." i thought.
so i moved home and forgot about it. then when nonnie and i were at the oasis of hope, a cancer treatment facility in mexico we both went around and ministered to people through music. nonnie would sing and i would play. people would say how blessed they were. i played classical guitar for people and they said it was soo peaceful. while i was their it all came to me..."OHHHHH, this is what God meant. this was His plan!" and boy, it was sooooo huge. way bigger than my little volunteer plan. it was sweet really and opened doors. because when people are in pain and mentally disterbed by their illness they don't want to talk alot. so playing music for them is perfect. what a ministry. and we were able to talk to them afterwards about the Lord and encourage them in Him.
I was also able to witness to several people through my music. i learned that it's important not to try and put feet to things God tells you, but to prayerfully look for the place He is leading to fulfill His word to you. God give the word and God fulfills the word. it's all His work, non is mine.

Praise the LORD!...
btw, the date on this post is when i first started to write this entry...took me a while. i'm pretty good at taking my time.

Serving

2009-05-17T08:15:00.000-07:00

Praise the name of the Lord for He indeed is so Good.
it's been a year of serving and learning more what it
means to pour myself out and be empty, Phil 2:1-11.
I'm not where I want to be but the Ranch has helped
to refine me...to learn to serve when you'd rather
take a seat, to make the focus about investing in others
when I'd rather invest in myself.
Do you have any encouragement from being united with Christ? ...

THE NEW RIVER GORGE, WV

2009-05-17T08:13:00.000-07:00

2009 lady interns - woot woot! we look so good...
on our relaxing spring trip.

Service Project at Camp Edge in NJ

2009-04-24T11:01:00.000-07:00

Opening for Ashes Remain

2009-02-05T07:41:00.001-08:00

Winter Meltdown

2009-02-05T07:38:00.000-08:00

4 months at RVR

2008-12-22T17:24:00.001-08:00

I'm home for christmas and am so thankful to God that I've been able to intern at the Ranch this year. It's getting me out of every comfort zone that I enjoy. Yes, I enjoy my comfort zones. I don't really like to lead and be in charge. I'd rather take orders in the background. I don't like coming up with ideas either...all these things I am having to do. I'm not a task oriented person either, service is not a gift I excel in. (I'm realizing that even though I'm not task oriented the gift of service doesn't have a lot to do with that. It's an attitude of the heart and I am asking the Lord to give me a willingness to do things unto Him because it's not really a task it's putting others first!) When the Gospels talk about serving I know that I am not the servant that Christ was on earth...and I really want to grow in this area. RVR has really helped me in this area, serving. Rather than resisting altogether I am more eager to do so and I know it's God if I am ever serving instead of sitting. I love the real life aspects of the Ranch. Working with the people you live with can bring a lot of drama to the surface- so far things are awesome and we are working together well . I'm really excited about knowing the interns more and working together better...but so far it has really been a blessing that these girls have been awesome to work with. I'll be starting into the course work of the masters degree that I am working on through Baptist Bible College in PA. So we'll see how that goes. So far RVR has turned out to be way more learning than I ever learned in the tunnel of books and college - so getting a masters while I am there feels right. I love the feeling of being stretched and growing is fun.

2008-12-22T17:15:00.000-08:00

href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_h7svDRliZyA/SVA9d1QEUpI/AAAAAAAAAEE/bgKNGXcKe2c/s1600-h/n141301282_31702643_9908.jpg">

these are some pictures we took while hiking the AT in PA and going to Baltimore for lunch w/the Ranch ....this is leisure time obviously=)

Home

2008-11-07T14:43:00.000-08:00

So, the Ranch is becoming a little more like home! Which is cool. The interns just got back from a three day trip. We went canoing down a river with rapids- it was awesome. Went climbing at an indoor tower and hiking on the AT. great times.
Also last weekend was the most fun I've had here at the Ranch working. I was with 5 teens and we just had some real and awesome conversations about the Lord. Very encouraging and so fun to hang with these people who love the Lord and want to follow after Him!
Hope to be adding some more pictures soon.

Florida group from a Bible College

2008-10-29T08:37:00.001-07:00

I got to hang out with this group for one day. We did a huge cleaning job in part of our dinning facilities here. I really enjoyed this group because they were halarious, worked hard, and were committed to seeking Christ. We were able to have some conversations about Christ and what He is currently teaching us and how we're seeking Him. These girls are from all over the United States and lots of different personalities that work well together. They were definitely fun to hang out with!

Encouragement

2008-10-13T13:59:00.000-07:00

This past week at the ranch has been a real encouragement to my heart. I have been doing a lot of work, and have been faced with selfishness on my part which has been discouraging. I was praying Monday before we started work on Tuesday and the Lord did so many things to tell me, "I know, I see, I care, stay the course..." The interns went on a trip to the Inner Harbor in Baltimore. While we were there we went to the biggest Barnes and Noble I've ever seen...I found a book that I have been wanting to read, 'Surprised by Joy', C.S.Lewis. I was so thankful for this read because I realized how much I need to count my relationship to God as precious and a the biggest treasure. I want to be more thankful for my salvation...living w/o God is a horrible thing. C.S.Lewis's life of searching for joy ended when He found Christ, which wasn't about joy at all but a relationship. It's interesting when we find that joy isn't the answer either, but knowing Christ...what a surprise!

This weekend I was the worker host and we were able to have some good times together...especially talking about God. These high-schoolers really have a lot against them spiritually and it's terribly sad. 90% of them walk alone in their relationship with God...which makes it way harder. We talked a lot about the hindrances of getting into the Word...everyone wants to but there are many obstacles. From being too busy, not understanding the Word, getting so board with church you wonder why you should read the Bible, not being challenged to think spiritually, and desiring other things. I'm asking God to show me how to encourage these awesome students in their walks with God.
What a miracle it is to know God and walk with Him every day!

Woodmont Catholic School

2008-10-05T11:11:00.000-07:00

this is Juliana and Maggie. Juliana is in the 6th grade and one of the most sharp kids i've ever met. She really made me laugh because of her responses to some of the activities we did. One was the trust fall (which most of you probably know) You stand about 6 feet up then you fall into the arms of those below. Juliana's eyes got really really big as she was standing on the platform facing me and about to fall backwards...then she fell and was caught. As soon as she got up she said, "you feel like you're going to die, but you won't." it reminds me of how hard it is for some of us to actually trust people...wow.
Maggie is interning through the catholic church for one year and she serves also at the school. We had a great conversation about truth and encouraged each other to seek Christ and not get polluted by the world (entertainment, money, and the emptiness of the world...)

2008-09-29T18:41:00.000-07:00

this is chelsea and she has a real heart for the Lord. we had a special twislers moment because we both love them. she's been an encouragement to work with thus far.

some of the worker crew

2008-09-29T18:38:00.001-07:00

this is katie one of the weekend workers and she is holding a picture of her special blue juice...she also gives one amazing hug and i'm looking forward to getting to know her more. she's really energetic and knows alot about the ranch because of past summers and retreats.

the worker crew

2008-09-29T18:28:00.000-07:00

on the weekends the retreats are run by the host, support host, and worker host.
The host and support host work with the group leaders and facilitate all the activites that go on here (zip line, paint ball, climbing tower, horses, and more). the worker host hangs out with 4-7 high school students that make sure the meals happen. so we set the dinning hall, do all the dishes, serve and bus tables, and clean the dinning hall. we work with doug who is the chef here. and we hang out 24/7 from friday night until sunday afternoon. this is a great time for bible study, games, work, and hanging out. this is the group that i hung out with (in the pic). i can't wait to do it again because i have a lot of ideas. this was the first time i have been the worker host, but there is potential to make a huge difference in these kids lives because you are with them all the time and my aim is going to be encountering God those weekends with them.

cleaning day

2008-09-29T17:27:00.000-07:00

just for fun too...

sunrise

2008-09-27T12:20:00.000-07:00

this is at the top of the camp at Fort Roller. Since the ranch is literally in a valley the sunrises and sunsets aren't seen to well, but this is pretty cool...enjoy!

truck jump

2008-09-27T12:10:00.000-07:00

we also practice for the olympics in off time at Rutter's gas station

zip line

2008-09-14T17:19:00.000-07:00

this is the old zip line ride. we will be starting the new one in a couple weeks and are mulching the trail now. The trail has to be mulched because the soil is very rocky and unless you build up the trail to cover up the rocks you can't really get up the trail without tripping along. it's a lot of work getting the mulch up the trail.
So far the interns have been doing a lot of manual labor. cleaning from the summer is a big job. we're also cleaning out cluttered buildings and organizing them for more efficient use. At the same time retreats are coming in and we are learning how to lead them which will take a few months... then we will lead them!

2008-09-14T17:11:00.000-07:00

this is a picture of Morgan and me on the way to our leadership retreat at Sandy Cove in Northwest , MD. This was a group of about 30 people, the whole staff at the Ranch. Our retreat was soo refreshing to me. I felt so blessed to be apart of a ministry where the leadership seeks the Lord. We went through 2Chron. 20 where Jehosephat seeks God's face for direction. Instead of just making a bunch of plans for the Ranch we took one and a half days to just seek the Lord personally and then we came together as a group and shared what the Lord had showed us.
We also had awesome conversation while we were there. Every time we had a meal each table had certain questions we had to talk about that really helped us to stay on meaningful topics (ex. "What's the hardest thing you've been through"). I really enjoyed getting to know our team better.

Rumuda

2008-09-14T17:04:00.000-07:00

this is us leaving the barn, Rumuda, and heading to the trail...

ridding

2008-09-14T16:21:00.000-07:00

here's a clip of me trotting - very fun!
I will be starting to work with the horses and helping lead groups that come in! yeah.
Morgan, another intern, has been working with horses practically her whole life and I'll be ridding with her a lot and she's teaching me to ride.

2008-09-14T11:13:00.000-07:00

Last week we trained on the high ropes course for the outdoor education groups that come in. We also trained on the zip line, low initiatives, and climbing towers.
The interns clean the ranch before groups come, which is more work than I would've thought. Janitorial work has a whole new respect in my mind. We also help with meal preparation, set the dinning room and clean up everything after ever meal.

the interns

2008-09-14T11:09:00.000-07:00

The interns are myself, Betsy, Morgan (back left), Katie (back right), and Ben

my address

2008-08-26T06:03:00.001-07:00

River Valley Ranch
Manchester MD 21102

i welcome letters of any kind!

River Valley Ranch

2008-08-17T13:53:00.000-07:00

Dear Family and Friends,

It has been a while since I have written a letter like this. I never thought I would be getting into something like this, but I am so grateful the Lord has given such an open door to share His truth with others. I have been accepted an internship with an organization called River Valley Ranch in Manchester, Maryland. River Valley Ranch is a well established Christian Adventure Camp that has been reaching young people for Christ since 1952. Surprisingly, they want me to come and work with them for one year to reach lost people for Christ and help those who know Him to deepen their walks with Christ.

The internship begins August 27th and involves a variety of activities. The intern program offers college level Bible classes that I will be attending, many of them designed around experienced based learning. During the year we will plan and go on two outdoor adventure leadership trips, host weekend retreats where we present the gospel to local community groups, take care of housekeeping, hire the summer staff, prepare for over 3,000 campers for the summer, organize the annual corn maize and extreme expo skating demo, and facilitate outdoor education school groups. This camp has a ton to offer people: horses, white water rafting, rappelling, 800ft zip line, bouldering, and climbing activities. Their facilities provide an amazing place to share Christ. During the summer I will oversee a group of camp counselors. We will do Bible study and different things with them to help encourage them through the summer.

I am looking forward to the spiritual growth, sharing Christ with others, and possible professional direction afterwards. During the internship I will be staying at River Valley Ranch; they will provide housing and a living allowance. This internship requires that I raise a small amount of 1,500 for the year. Let me know if you would like to support me financially. Your prayers are greatly treasured during this time. I do not know what to expect, but I want to see more of who God is and serve with this community of believers wholeheartedly.

Blessings,
Melody Infinger

2810 Valyry Way
Cantonment, Fl. 32533

minfinger@liberty.edu

quote

2008-05-03T18:17:00.000-07:00

"When I get honest, I admit I am a bundle of paradoxes. I believe and I doubt, I hope and get discouraged, I love and I hate, I feel bad about feeling good, I feel guilty about not feeling guilty. I am trusting and suspicious. I am honest and I still play games.
To live by grace means to acknowledge my whole life story, the light side and the dark. In admitting my shadow side, I learn who I am and what God's grace means. As Thomas Merton put it, "A Saint is not someone who is good but who experiences the goodness of God.""
-Brennan Manning from The Ragamuffin Gospel

2008-04-16T13:49:00.000-07:00

These are journal entries from the summer when I was struggling to get free from sin. When I had to constantly dwell on what God said and persevere for my heart. This is a reflection of every moment in my mind and heart.

Journal entry from July
7-1-07

Wow, the month of July is here – God, I’m excited about this week. Enable me to get my work done and accomplish much. I think this paper is coming down to size. With you God it is possible… (academia is probably the biggest challenge that I ever face. Learning from reading and organizing my thoughts takes a ton of time.)
Make it hard not to walk in obedience. Release me from the fowler’s snare – only you can. For your name’s sake o Lord; I bear your name. I have been bought with the precious blood of Jesus. Make me live out the reality that I am His and He is mine. Don’t let me disobey you Lord. Make it hard to continue in disobedience. Lord Break my heart for You. Restore your joy to my soul.
In your presence there is fullness of Joy. Melody means a joyful life. That means my life is to be lived in the presence of God. I feel like I’m about to have a message to share: sin, obedience, joy. The mind controlled by the Spirit. A joyful life will happen when you live in the presence of God. No greater joy abounds than in the presence of God. Clean my heart. Let me walk in your wholeness. Take away my soul-ties except for yours O Lord. Cleanse me from the bondage of sin. Rain down your righteousness into my heart. I’m sad that I have to let go of the things you gave me that were great gifts, but I held onto the gift instead of having openness with it - but it’s worth it to give you all the control.

7-20-07

…the night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light!
Rather clothe yourself with the Lord Jesus and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature.
Lord Jesus, I cast myself at your feet. Be merciful to me. Deliver me from all my sin. Make me to not think about myself. God, I want to find you this summer. God, put my focus on you. Make me to walk as a child of light! Not groping around in my sin; that’s not was I was created for. I was created for you and living any other way doesn’t work. It makes you feel awful; it’s not peaceful. God, take me back to your light and create in me a clean heart. Press on to acknowledge You Lord. I long to be free.

7-21-07

You are from everlasting…set my heart on fire. Let me dwell in the light of your presence. God, I ask for an awesome focus today and tomorrow to write my paper. I ask for your presence, your power, your love, and control to guide me through this next week. God, I need your help. I desire so much to live for you. Make my mouth and heart close to you. I ask that one day I would be doing your work always. Showing others You. Build up the walls of Jerusalem. In your good pleasure make Zion prosper.

Savior like a Shepherd lead us much we need Thy tender care.
In Thy pleasant pastures feed us for our use Thy folds prepare.
Blessed Jesus, blessed Jesus. Thou hast bought me I am yours.
Blessed Jesus, blessed Jesus. You have bought me I am yours.

feelings ?? or truth

2008-04-07T11:11:00.000-07:00

"cause i feel like it! okay!
three days ago i was reading an article on homosexuality that was explaining to children how to tell their parents they were gay. one of the main words used was: feel.
the article said for the person to say how long they had these feelings and then the article said, "it is such an overwhelming feeling."
the truth about feelings is that they often don't coincide with what is right. many of our feelings will lead us down a dark and more dark path.
i can sit here and think about all the things i have felt like doing before, a lot of them would have negative consequences. our society is a feeling driven atmosphere. we think that if we feel it then we are free to do it. but then at the same time most people will say that it's not okay to kill someone even if you feel like it....then why is it okay to wear a low cut top that shows too much skin or sleep with your boyfriend or have sex with anyone...cause it feels good? what kind of practical decision making is that?

where did my most intense feelings get me? what i thought felt good eventually turned into an unhappy mess. where did my most intense feelings flow from? hurt. those feelings have been reset because i took them to Jesus and are replaced now with healthy feelings that lead to healthy things. until we match our feelings with the Word we cannot be so sure as to follow them. this society has become much of what Romans 1 describes. God has given us over to our sinful desires. most of us feel sinful desires and because we don't know the truth we follow our feelings wherever they take us.
instead of allowing feelings to control you take your feelings to God and allow His Spirit to control you. You will enjoy your life far more.

ps. postmodernism flows from the mindset that you can do what you think is right for you. if you operate from that presupposition the things that you will think are right will flow from feelings and experiences.

the person of Christ suppressed

2008-02-27T19:43:00.000-08:00

when i was living in sin- after a while - it was very clear to me that i literally felt like who i was in Christ was being suppressed. i had experienced what i believed God had created me to be... joyful, carefree person who was really happy. i was extremely unhappy in sin and i remember days when i would look in the mirror and say i am not happy at all...i can't even smile. there was no joy in my heart. my mind was not free... i had become a jealous, and angry person. it was not fun, at all. as soon as i walked the path of sin i felt myself turn into someone else inside. eww. 2.tim 2:20-26 talks about being taken captive to do the will of the devil. kinda scary.
Romans 8 says that the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace. that is the most true statement i know of when it comes to you being the person Christ has made you to be. your mind is full of life and peace. you can think very clearly and calmly. all this was taken away and my mind was cloudy and never at peace. there is no peace for the wicked. you think of talking to people and you just can't. you have nothing to give and it's because the enemy has used your sin to suck the life of Christ out of you. without Jesus Christ you cannot do anything - john 15. it is so true. (and you're responsible for your sin...i don't want it to sound like when i refer to the enemy that i'm blamming him. i am only saying that he will use your sin against you and he will gain authority in your life if you let him)
I was thanking God just today for the fact that i can think about things that are pure, right, things that are true. there is happiness and peace in my mind and heart. that i can just be myself...Gal 2:20
when you give yourself to Christ He truely makes you the person He wants you to be. That person is Jesus expressing Himself through your body and heart - your actions and the way you treat people...

Micah 7

2008-02-27T11:52:00.000-08:00

18 Who is a God like you,
who pardons sin and forgives the transgression
of the remnant of his inheritance?
You do not stay angry forever
but delight to show mercy.

19 You will again have compassion on us;
you will tread our sins underfoot
and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.

I had this picture in my head of a man standing about 10 feet from the edge of a cliff and about 100 feet down was a deep and dark sea. I saw the man holding a huge bag, maybe something like the bag santa clause would hold if he existed. the bag was full of my sins and the man took two running steps, to gain momentum, and then literally hurled the bag of my sin into the sea! and it fell and fell then crashed into the waves and was forever lost. wow! who can throw away sin like that? not me. there's someone who has compassion towards me in my lowest estate? praise God that He actually delights to show mercy, to me!!! when you are truly thankful to God for hurling your sins it's because His death actually means something to you. it means something to you because you know what your sin is in the presence of a holy and just God. you haven't minimized your sin and said, "well i haven't done what he did." sometimes we come to the place where we really have to fall hard to realize what sinners we definitely are. without God's grace, left alone, where would you be? i don't know all the sinful things i would've done, but what i do know of i cringe- but because of Christ i have joy instead of fear. joy because He is able to keep me from falling and to present me before His thrown holy, without blemish.
those verses mean the world to me

8 Do not gloat over me, my enemy!
Though I have fallen, I will rise.
Though I sit in darkness,
the LORD will be my light.

9 Because I have sinned against him,
I will bear the LORD's wrath,
until he pleads my case
and establishes my right.
He will bring me out into the light;
I will see his righteousness.

10 Then my enemy will see it
and will be covered with shame,
she who said to me,
"Where is the LORD your God?"
My eyes will see her downfall;
even now she will be trampled underfoot
like mire in the streets.

There's another section of verses in Deuteronomy 33 that talks about God fighting for His people. it's a great comfort knowing that God Himself is fighting for us- He is our Shield, our Helper, and our Glorious sword, even when we are in sin. it's a great joy to know He has dealt with my sin especially when i realize that i've fallen. even though i have fallen and the enemy didn't want me to rise, but God has been faithful to bring me out into the light! Praise God for setting me free - i don't have to live that way anymore! what a peace that passes understanding

continue in sin ?

2008-01-10T09:44:00.000-08:00

have you ever seen those people who sin and wonder if they really are born again? have you ever personally sinned, knew you were God's, and then you came to a point where you were at a place of decision. you had to decide if you were going to give yourself to sin or to God? when you were in sin you knew you were God's child, you even felt His presence? i know that in my sin i was still in God's hand and once my eyes were opened to the wrong i was doing i wanted God. then i had a choice. i saw the emptiness and heartache of sin. I think if we were really honest we've all been sinners while standing in grace. We are born again and still sin the difference is that we don’t continue in our sin. individual consequences might be different, but we've been aware that we are in sin. sometimes we chose to keep doing it. sometime we chose to stop.
i believe that the reason people sin (not all the time, but a lot of the time. because if you go back to the garden of eden adam and eve weren’t hurt, but they doubted and questioned what God had said. They believe the lie of satan over the true Word of God) is because they are hurting. until we learn how to receive the healing in Jesus wounds we will keep acting out of our own wounds and sin.
This part i'm about to write goes more in depth about what i wrote in 'getting out of sin.'
as i said before the human method for healing a wound is sin. The human method for getting anything it wants is sin. God's way is Jesus. how do you receive the wounds of Jesus as your healing? this passage of scripture is enlightening to me:
I Peter 1:9 But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. 10 Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.

11 Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul.
why do you think peter said that 'by His wounds we are healed?' do you feel healed?
have you ever been struggling with sin and someone told you that you just need to pray and read the Bible more? well that's true, but if you don't know how to pray and read the Bible the truth of God it will bounce right off your heart. Until God's truth removes your foundation (hurt, wounds – things there from sin) there is nothing that will make your actions change; scenarios: girls who want guys attention...maybe she never got that love and attention that a girl desperately longs for from her dad. maybe she's prideful about the way she looks, but why? what happened that made her act that way towards guys? if you trace back your problems you'll find that the foundation of your problem is a wound. and until you receive Jesus wounds you will not be healed. you receive this through prayer and the Word. really praying to God will do more that you can imagine. why else would Paul say that if you cast your anxiety's on the Lord that His peace will guard your heart more that you could've imagined. do you feel that - ever? maybe we humans really don't know what it means to fellowship with God. to really pray. to really cast a burden on Him. we continue walking around with all our hurt. we go round and round in our head, but cannot connect the dots to God. i have found that my wounds were healed when i did what i wrote about in 'sin: getting out of sin.'
if we were chosen BY GOD (now that's a masive deal) to be a royal priesthood, a holy nation...wow. and run from sin...because it will kill us for by His wounds you are healed. I challenge you to find that out for yourself. talk to me if you want about it, but I believe that Jesus wants to heal you of all your hurt so you can start acting out of holiness instead of pain, hurt, regret, and guilt. realize the difference between satan and Jesus. Light and darkness. life is so much a battle for your soul! not about what you should wear today, how well do my profs like me, how well did i do on that paper, does my brother like me, and more. how well is your soul? how alive is your soul? life is in His wounds.

one day i began to get physically ill. i felt this pressure in my chest, so heavy. at the time i thought it was the conviction of the Holy Spirit. I threw-up several times. I kept thinking, "okay, time to stop now." looking back what made me so sick was the fact that God lived me in, His temple and i was desicrating it- giving it to someone else. just like the israelites. satan was trying to take me for his will. it's like when you eat something you're allergic to...you get sick and throw up. i am born again and not made to digest the things of this world when i did i mixed myself with something my spirit is alergic to and i barfed - literally. the battle was raging inside me. satan was gaining power in my life

1 john 3:6 No one who lives in him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him.
this verse is so true. if you live in Him there comes a point when sin just doesn't work anymore. it doesn't statify. it just can't. it just makes the wound deeper.

1 peter 2:24 He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.
you die to sin because you no longer have a desire for it. when you receive Jesus' healing you no longer have a thirst/desire for sinful things. that's why He died. until we receive the death of Christ in our bodies we won't receive His resurrection. By His wounds we are healed.

i don't know if any of this makes sense, but feel free to talk to me anytime if you want more details or just want to talk about what i wrote. even if you disagree

the new year

2008-01-06T19:10:00.000-08:00

heidi howard:
Miracles are about to happen.

kirstie howard:
This year I'm going to learn as much as I can!

eden howard:
This year i'm gonna learn to fly.

emily howard:
Discovery of God and his plan for me.

melody infinger:
I just want God.

CLAIM GODS TRUTH!

sin

2007-12-29T14:50:00.000-08:00

Have you ever heard people say that sin is a slow and gradual slope? You don’t jump into sin; you slide into it, very slowly? well, it's true. Sin begins with the minutest compromise. It’s so minute that you may not even notice, but if you do think about what you are doing you will ask yourself, “I wonder if this is right?” If you ever ask yourself that question you have most certainly begun the gradual slipping into sin. All the way you will continue to take these small and almost unnoticeable steps down a dark path. Even your closest of friends may not notice because sin can compartmentalizes itself for quite sometime (in this stage it can remain hidden from those closest to you). There comes a point when sin actually has authority in your life. Sin, at that point, can no longer hide. Sin becomes your master, your stronghold, entanglement, which will ultimately destroy your soul. Peter said that sin “wars against your soul.” Wow, and that is the truth! Have you ever felt that war? You try to quit some thing you know is wrong and you just can’t? It’s because for a while you asked yourself, “I wonder if this is right?” Then one day the darkness of your deeds becomes clear because as a Christian you will come to a place when you will know, if there was the question before, that what you are doing is wrong. Once you make enough compromises in a certain action you will not be able to stop. When you decide to sin you give sin power in your life, every time you do a particular sin, that sin becomes all the more powerful and harder to stop until you no longer have the power to chose not to do that sin. Sin controls you. Sin chooses for you. Sin keeps on sinning. Sin is like taking a 1,000 pound weight, tying it around your waist, and throwing yourself into a sea that is 1,000 feet deep. Do you think you will come back up? No. You won’t unless you are Christ’s. Peter said that those who know God cannot continue to sin. It will take the power of God to release you from the grip, the power, the slavery, and the tyranny of sin. Have you ever gotten to the point where you have made so many compromises that sin owns you? and now satan is using his devises to destroy you. Satan uses sin to destroy humans. Then he comes in and lies to you he says, “look what you did! You’re not really a child of God. You’ll be doing this the rest of your life. One time I distinctly remember one night. I was sound asleep and all of a sudden I heard a high pitch voice yelling obscenities at me. When I woke up, three seconds later, I knew that satan had said those things to me. He wanted to destroy me. He was using sin and lies to defeat me. Thankfully, I knew the truth of God’s Word. Jesus prayed for Simon that his faith would stand because satan had asked to sift him as wheat. We know that faith comes by knowing the Word of God. If you don’t know the truth of God’s word and you are heading down the dark path of sin the lies of satan will destroy you. You will not be able to stand. You will have no weapon against him. The only weapon we have against satan and lies is the Word of God. We are to use our weapons of righteousness, the sword of the Spirit. Satan makes the action of sin become a huge burden in your life and because he is the father of lies he takes lies like arrows and shoots them into your mind and heart. Sin opens a door for the enemy…and he is crouching at that door waiting to pounce!

the workings of sin with the human condition:
Sin is more powerful than you know. people don’t understand it’s power and how Satan works in our lives to tempt us to sin. We are so prideful and think that we’re okay. We don’t talk to God about our sin and we don’t talk to anybody else about it either. Sin is really good at hiding and since we’re sinners already it’s just that much harder to be free from it’s grip. Sin is an entanglement, a yoke of slavery, and a burden. Galatians 6 and Hebrews 12. john said that anyone who claims to be w/o sin deceives himself... the human condition is incredibly deceived. in romans paul said that when you sin, as a believer, it is no longer you sinning but sin itself. he explains it to where there are now two natures at work in the human heart and whatever nature you set your mind to, romans 8, is the one you will experience. we need the Holy Spirit, romans 12, to renew our minds so that the deception of sin is clearly seen in the new nature. the more we walk in the Spirit the more we can see light and darkness, the more power we have to chose righteousness, and the more holy we are. the more we see the lies of sin and what looks like light is really a fraud.

the bondage/slavery/terrany/weight of sin:
one day I was running in a field and I began to feel extremely heavy. Every step I took felt more painful in my heart. I felt so much pain that I just fell over. I fell over because there was a battle going on in my heart, mind, and soul. I was trying to get out of sin and I literally felt like my heart was being pulled down into a pit. Then when I went for a run my body also became tired and the weight of my sin was unbearable. This goes back to the analogy of the 1,000 pound weight in the water. I couldn’t get out of my sin. I just couldn’t carry on. My actions made me feel like crap and satan was rolling me around in the fact that I had totally blown it. All I could do in the field that day was mutter a prayer, “Lord Jesus Christ remember me in my distress.” Satan keeps you focused on how you ‘feel’ and all you feel is weighted, heavy, like you want to throw up. The truth doesn’t seem to penetrate how you feel. I said God, “I wish I could’ve done something else, why that sin?” I know look at my sin and think, “God if my sin weighed that much to me how did you take on the sins of the world?” God’s gift in Jesus Christ is an enormous gift.

Getting out of sin:
The first step out of sin is to talk about it. I knew that I needed to tell someone about my sin. I thought of several people that I could tell. Telling the first person was such a battle. Sin is darkness and when you tell someone about your sin you take a step into the light. The more you are real with God and others about your sin the more light, clarity, and freedom you’ll experience. Satan wants you to feel alone and isolate you. None of these are from God. If you focus on those feelings, those lies, you will stay in the dark. The battle of sin is so intense. Darkness and light are going at it. If you do not realize the battle and fight with all you have kiss your soul goodbye. Confess your sin to God, He is faithful and just and will forgive you of all your sin and cleanse you from unrighteousness. James 5 talks about confessing you sin to one another so that you may be healed… personally I have never found that to be so true. Properly confessing your sins is key if you want to be freed from them. it’s one thing to talk to God about your sin, it’s another to give Him your sin. Writing down my sins, with all the details, even speaking them out loud is not easy to do, but the best to do. Writing your sins down or saying the aloud is like admitting that you are a sinner to God. Saying it in your head is often not enough. I have experienced freedom after freedom when I started actually giving my sin to God. And only when you give it to Him is it gone. I would tell God everything out loud or write it all down. Sometimes I would even tell someone. Amazingly I would no longer have to struggle with the sin- God just took it away. He took away my desire and when there’s no desire for something it’s gone. Sin starts with desire and getting the desire is the key to freedom. These are questions God walked me through to be free. Why do you have that desire? If you really answer that question it is so scary to see what is really in your heart. But God will, as you confess all of it to Him, explode His light into your heart, mind, and soul. When you see why you have that desire the reason you are sinning is because you are trying to get something you think you need, but in the flesh, sin. You will begin to see that you have some deep hurts in your heart and you are trying to fix them through your own methods. Everyone is acting out of hurt until God heals them. There’s a longing in your heart and if you do not realize what it is and why it is there your methods for getting it will be evil desires, James 1. Getting to the bottom of desires behind what you do will show you your hurt and God is ready because by His stripes you are healed. You will see insecurities about yourself, a failure you are trying to fix, a love you are trying to receive. None of your attempts to gain these things through your evil desires will ease the pain. Learning how to give your pain and hurts to God, confessing your sin to God, will heal the longings of your heart and take away evil desires. This is the only way to really get out of sin.
Holy fire burn away my desire for anything that is not of you – Jeremy Camp
I begged, “O God burn me, burn my sick, sinful desires!”

Something glorious:
Sin steals your joy. There were days I just couldn’t smile. I didn’t want anyone to talk to me and ask me how I was doing. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. But when God’s healing, love, and light hit your heart. Ps 51 begins to happen. Through true confessing God restores the joy of His salvation in your life. I can now look back on my horrible sin and smile because the grace of God has covered all my sin. Jesus’ blood. I asked a friend of mine with the same struggle how you can know when you’re free? I knew I would have a different story than hers, I wanted to know how I could be free. I began to know I was free when my desire for sin was gone. My brain was so clogged that I couldn’t think of anything unrelated to my sin. And that made my heart so heavy. I knew I was free when my mind began to clear. Every time I talked to someone, and mostly truly gave God each hurt and sin, I was walking in freedom.
God reached down into my sea of sin, grabbed me, breaking the 1,000 pound weight around my life, and pulled me up. He set my feet on a rock. He is my place of firm standing. Is. 61, Ps. 40
Anyone who is born of God cannot continue to sin – 1John 3:4-6
He is our God and we are the people of His pasture
God sets us free from sin. not because of anything we have done, but because of His great mercy...and it is great!

do you feel that the mercy of God is great?
i used to judge people and say in my heart, "why can't they just stop sinning~ man!?"
when i fell flat on my face i realized why...
do you think you're better than others?
do you weep when you think of where you'd be w/o Jesus?
God's grace is enormous. if not for His grace I could not be existing right now- Hebrews 1.

God made Him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God.
...He Himself bore our sins in His body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness...
...i urge you...abstain from sinful desires wich war against your soul...
...those God foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of His Son...

the life with Christ continues from glory to glory until we see Him face to face!

something will be out soon

2007-12-27T10:03:00.000-08:00

this is a blog about random things that have happened to me. or things that i have seen and think are cool or bad....good, sad, funny, ...